Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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