There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
