we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
