Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
