a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
