so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
