I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
