i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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