dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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