He asked me if I "almost moaned"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
