woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
