I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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