but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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