I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
