Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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