so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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