oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
