Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
