just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
