im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
