youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
zippers are such a cool invention
worst night to have a conscience
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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