We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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