I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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