Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
