SEEEEXXX PLEASE
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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