i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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