I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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