I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
