...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
