I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
