So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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