Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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