i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
