Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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