you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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