I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
