I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
