Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.

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(516): View more from New York

Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee

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(234): View more from Ohio

if we break up, who will get the dealer?

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(513): View more from Ohio

First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME

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(509): View more from Washington

I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.

(509): View more from Washington

Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.

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(574): View more from Indiana

No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does

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(540): View more from Virginia

There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Shame is for Republicans.

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