i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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