Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you win again, gameday.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
