but the lizard people decide everything anyway
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
how drunk are you?
Several
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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