you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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