you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
