that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
