end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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