I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
