I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How does one acquire holy water?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
