i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
