She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
