So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
