What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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